I am still in shock. One day my life was status quo...the next, everything fell apart. No...we didn't lose a kid and no we aren't getting divorced. But, my husband lost his job and had to accept a job in a new state. A state on the other side of the continent! He had to move right away and I am still in our home trying to prepare it for sale. I am now in the process of helping my kids understand that although we ARE moving, we are moving as family. More than once they have asked me what their next family will be like and if they will get to keep their favorite toys. It must be bringing up so much fear in their little bodies.
Then, I have to go through and prepare our family home of loved clutter from 10 kids into some sort of show home of mis-matched furniture with sticky finger prints and crayon on the walls. And if I can somehow make it a show home by "staging" each room and scrubbing (ok...repainting) the walls, how the heck do I keep it that way with all these little ones running around being kids?
*not my home - but, trust me, it COULD be...
The entire thing is completely illogical to me and happened so suddenly that I am struggling to understand what is happening in my life. I know nobody in this new community I am moving to. I don't have my friends for support. I don't know who to contact for the services my special needs children require. I spent 14 years developing the knowledge of services and support in my community and now I will need to start over in a community that appears to be far more limited in its access to such services, with children that are perhaps the most challenging I have ever taken on.
I have to keep reminding myself that there must be a greater plan that I am not understanding. For now, I just keep plugging along, decluttering as I go and reassuring more than one kid that Daddy will be home to visit soon - and hoping he will fix everything that fell apart while he was gone. The list of things that suddenly broke after he left is astonishing.
Sigh...Calgon, take me away - oh wait, the bathtub is leaking (seriously, it is on the list for dear hubby when he gets home on Thursday).
I have no idea if you will see this, since you are probably moving and doing much more important things than reading comments on your blog, but I just sat up until nearly midnight reading every post. I have 4 bio kids who are almost one to almost 8, and though I have felt the pull toward adoption in the past, it has never been as strong as now. Sometimes I just want my husband to tell me, "hon, you're crazy," but he won't because he adores kids and is quite willing to have more--whichever way. He's one of 12, so four is not a large family in his eyes. I have a very strong pull to adopt a sibling group, though when I pray about it (and I'm doing that A LOT), I sense that this is a thing to take our time on. The media gloms onto the horror stories, and I find fear creeping in, all the terrible what-if's, and a great deal of self-doubt about my parenting skills. Yet, that yearning desire is there, and when I look at the options for the future, it seems that investing time and energy and money into children is vastly the better part over investing these things in interior decorating or fancy vacations.
ReplyDeleteYour blog has been helpful and hopeful and informative. It kindles courage in my heart.
I am so glad you found my blog and found it helpful. You are exactly the person I designed this blog for! Adopting out of foster care is not for the meek. There can be difficult behaviors to work with and educational issues to battle. But underneath all that is simple a child that needs to be loved unconditionally. They need somebody to believe in them and stand by them during those hard times. Yes the media (and even our friends and family) being up the negative stories of adoption. But remember, the bad stories will always get more attention. What I can tell you is that opening our home to children in need was definitely an eye opening experience that change each one of us. My have more compassion for others and are wise beyond their years for it. Honestly, the first step is to attend an orientation meeting with your local county. There is no cost and the department of children and family services will help you understand the process, the type of kids available and the impact on your family. Remember it is a long process as in 8 months or longer... Once you decide to meet with a social worker, be very honest about what behaviors you can handle and trust them to help you find the right child for your family. As a heads up however, if you say you can't handle any behaviors, it is unlikely you can be matched with a child. For obvious reasons, nearly every child has behavioral issues and children in foster care will have trauma on top of behavior issues. Good luck and do come back and let me know what you decide. I am happy to help in any way I can! Good luck!
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