Tuesday, October 28, 2014

A day in my life:
Get up.
Think "what is that smell?"
Get kids up
Clean up the mess K10 (AKA: Beast) made during the night
Serve Breakfast
Don't cry over all the spilt milk
Drop kids off at school
Arrive home
Think "what is that smell?"
try to wake teenager for homeschool.
check teenager's pulse - yup still alive - nope not awake

Think "what is that smell?"
Start laundry
GAG from smell of last weeks laundry still in the washer
walk away. just walk away and take a deep breath. 
Wonder "was that the smell? Couldn't be...could it?"
Go outside contemplate the pile of leaves
Go inside
try to wake teenager for homeschool.
check teenager's pulse - yup still alive 
wonder where the dogs are
open front door and call
see dogs run home 
search house for smell
put trash out
pray smell goes away

try to wake teenager for homeschool.
check teenager's pulse - yup still alive 
think about taking a shower
walk past green brick
wait - isn't that supposed to be an aquarium?
tilt head to side and ponder the strange alien looking spiky brown balls that float past and swirl around tank.
wonder where the fish are...
open lid
good news - found the smell
wait...That is NOT good news!
frantically grab fish net and start scooping strange balls
Realize that spiky balls are actually dog food.
Yell for Beast
Ask beast if she put dog food in the aquarium
frantically try to find a fish in the muck
Listen to beast sob as she realizes that she has killed EVERY FISH in the aquarium 
Clean up the murder scene
haul smelly fish to trash

look at total destruction in my house
throw up my hands
decide moving is for the birds
crawl back in bed and pray for a better tomorrow.
groan when alarm on phone rings to remind me to feed K9 lunch before taking him to kindergarten
Wonder how so many things can happen in such a short amount of time.
glance at alcohol

nope - still too early
try to wake teenager for homeschool.
check teenager's pulse - yup still alive 
But good news! He groaned. I think he might wake up soon!
Take K09 to kindergarten
stop at grocery store
Come home
Balance check book - probably should have done that BEFORE the grocery store...
Spot teenager at his computer - he LIVES! 
Yell at teenager for browsing internet instead of doing his Algebra 
wait at bus stop with Beast for preschool bus.
Realize that the bus is not coming today (there is no preschool on Mondays and beast is STANDING NEXT TO ME.)
Is 3:00 too early for the alcohol?
Collect all kids for homework time
answer email for my listings on craigslist
sell an outdoor little tikes castle
nearly kill myself disassembling castle
Think about that shower I wanted this morning

look for food for dinner
become overwhelmed
step outside and see my friends car parking funky in front of my house
listen to them explain that 2 dogs are running free...realize they are my dogs...again.
collect dogs and place brick in front of gate. stupid gate
brick reminds me of green brick aquarium that still needs to be drained
which reminds of fish
which reminds me I still need to feed kids...
order pizza
feel guilty about serving garbage food
make them eat a salad with the pizza
Realize that it is now "ok" to start drinking
There is no wine open and I am too tired to open one myself.
It is now 7:00 pm and I am counting the minutes till everybody is in bed and I can take that shower I am still longing for.
If I am able to stand long enough.

Thought I should write this just in case anybody ever thought I "have things together."

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Life in flux.

I am still in shock.  One day my life was status quo...the next, everything fell apart.  No...we didn't lose a kid and no we aren't getting divorced.  But, my husband lost his job and had to accept a job in a new state.  A state on the other side of the continent!  He had to move right away and I am still in our home trying to prepare it for sale.  I am now in the process of helping my kids understand that although we ARE moving, we are moving as family.  More than once they have asked me what their next family will be like and if they will get to keep their favorite toys.  It must be bringing up so much fear in their little bodies.

Then, I have to go through and prepare our family home of loved clutter from 10 kids into some sort of show home of mis-matched furniture with sticky finger prints and crayon on the walls.  And if I can somehow make it a show home by "staging" each room and scrubbing (ok...repainting) the walls, how the heck do I keep it that way with all these little ones running around being kids?
*not my home - but, trust me, it COULD be...

The entire thing is completely illogical to me and happened so suddenly that I am struggling to understand what is happening in my life.  I know nobody in this new community I am moving to.  I don't have my friends for support.  I don't know who to contact for the services my special needs children require.  I spent 14 years developing the knowledge of services and support in my community and now I will need to start over in a community that appears to be far more limited in its access to such services, with children that are perhaps the most challenging I have ever taken on.

I have to keep reminding myself that there must be a greater plan that I am not understanding.  For now, I just keep plugging along, decluttering as I go and reassuring more than one kid that Daddy will be home to visit soon - and hoping he will fix everything that fell apart while he was gone.  The list of things that suddenly broke after he left is astonishing.

Sigh...Calgon, take me away - oh wait, the bathtub is leaking (seriously, it is on the list for dear hubby when he gets home on Thursday).