I thought it would never end...

High school graduation is just around the corner for K1.  Of course, K4 graduated 4 years ago and K6 graduated 3 years ago.  Adopting out of age order really messes with my mind sometimes.  Regardless, K1's graduation has caused me to spend some time reflecting on my 3 oldest children and their achievements.  You see, there were times I thought it would never end, I thought these children would be with me forever.  But life went on...

K4 came to us at age 14.  She was a hurt and angry teenager and that was a lot to take on.  She was in 8th grade and there were days that I was hurting so badly that I thought the day she would graduate and move out of my home would never happen.  But there was also many days that were good, and I couldn't imagine life after she grew up and moved out.  After she graduated, we really started to develop our relationship.  There are many reasons she was resistant (as was I) to bonding and attaching while she lived in our home.  She came to us with fears that I didn't know how to handle, and I am certain that I handled many badly.  But I loved her then and I love her now.  The only difference now is, she loves me too.  She is less afraid of me.  She is less afraid of life.  She moved out, had a horrible experience with a room-mate and moved back in.  In that moment, she realized that our family was truly forever.  She finally understood that family meant more than a place to live until age 18.  She is about to marry now.  A terrific guy that we will be proud to have as a son-in-law.  I look at the confident young woman she has become and I am so glad that we didn't give up on each other - I am proud of the fact that we survived those hard years when she was so angry that her anger threatened to consume her and pushed her into many less than desirable behaviors.  Those high school years were hard, and I thought they would never end...but they did end, the hard parts anyway and now we have something much better.  Trust, strength, love.  I am not saying we have a perfect relationship...but our relationship is developing ... perfectly.  Together, we are putting together her dream wedding...but just a few years ago, she would go days, even weeks, without speaking to me.  Working on a large project like this wedding would have been impossible.  She has grown into a fine woman with a loving heart.

K6 came to us at age 18, and I thought it would never end.  I thought she wanted to be with us forever and I was excited to offer her my home, my family and my love.  But it came to a dramatic end when she decided she needed to be closer to her "people" in her home state.  I was devastated and depressed.  I guess she did what she needed to do, but our relationship suffered for it.  Don't get me wrong, we don't fight or anything.  She is my daughter and I love her...but in many ways she is a stranger to me.  She never stayed around long enough to truly develop a deep relationship.  Although there is now talk of her and her husband moving closer to us - so maybe there is more hope.  Yes, she is married now, to a really nice young man.  I have only met him twice.  The first time was the day of their wedding and the second time was at Christmas that same year.  He was then deployed to Afghanistan and only returned last January.  So really they are both kind of strangers to me, but they are my family and I love them.  K6 recently found out she is pregnant.  So come November, I will become a "Grandma."  This is a strange thought to me since I am currently raising a 6 year old.  When did I get old?

I gave birth to K1 17.5 years ago.  On that day, I looked into his eyes, and I couldn't imagine a day that he would be a man and ready to leave my home.  My heart swells with pride as I think of his accomplishments over the years.  I remember his first steps.  I remember him learning his alphabet on the computer - before he could talk.  I remember him swinging a bat in t-ball and I remember his first crush on a girl.  I remember arguing with him in the car.  I remember trying to stay calm when he was trying on "independence" in the teen years through defiance.  I remember how hard he worked to logically work through our problems once the anger had left us.  He has a wonderful heart, a strong sense of ethics, he is goal oriented and has a wonderful girlfriend (for the last 2 years) that I adore.  He is turning out to be a good man; and one day, he is going to be wonderful husband and father.  But again, I thought it would never end. Ya, ya, ya...he will always be my baby.  Except, he isn't my baby.  He is a fine young man about to embark on the world.  I know I have taught him a lot in life, but there is still so much I should have found the time to teach him.  I just thought I had more time...

I know that my adult kids are still here.  It hasn't really come to end.  But this era of their life as come to an end.  The era in which they need me.  I am sure there are many things I have done wrong with them, but the one thing I did right, was to love them passionately.  Passionately enough to argue with them, to make demands on them and do everything in my power to guide them into adulthood.  Despite all the frustrations that I thought would never end, I am proud of them and I can't wait to see what they achieve in life.